A father entered his daughter's bedroom and saw a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition he read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum and Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so nice, especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos, and his big motorcycle.

But it is not only that, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me, and that is one of my dreams.

I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends. They're the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want.

In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure so Ahmed gets better. He deserves it.

Don't worry about money, Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn $50 a scene and I get a $50 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an extra $100 if they use a horse.

Don't worry Mum, now I'm 15 years old I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter, Aimee

P.S. Dad, it's not true, I'm at a neighbour's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than denting the car. Sorry about your BMW.

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My parents are off in Florida. My mom sent an email checking in with us (my brothers and I) last week. No one responded, so she sent another one yesterday. "Did anyone get my email?" Here is David's response:


We got the first email.

Things at home are good. We spent all day yesterday cleaning up from the 4-day party we dubbed "The House Massacre". The cats are having a blast spending the nights outside. We were a bit worried about the food supply out there, but judging from the squirrel carcasses and the fish heads lying around, it looks as if they've been doing fine. Though, I haven't seen Lego in a couple days, and Sumi seems to be MUCH larger since. I've dropped out of school, which seems to have helped with the problem of getting up on time for class. We've also traded in one of the cars for a pizza, as we were a bit hungry yesterday and the squirrels can only fill so many meals during the day. They wouldn't accept the other car at the pizzeria however, as none of the deliverymen can drive standard. We'll have to find another way to assist in the fight against toxic emmisions. Don't worry about our eating habits though. We've had plenty of greens, as you've taught us. The leafy thing in your bedroom supplemented for greens nicely, though it did have a bitter aftertaste. We'll experiment more in the coming days and keep you posted. Though, you really should've told us how to differentiate between real and fake plants, aside from taste.

In parting, a few important questions:
1. Where can i find the deed for the house?
2. Is amputation covered through our health insurance?
3. Do you know of any capital murder defence attorneys?

I think that's it. We'll let you know if anything else comes up.

Dave
P.S.- I MADE BAIL!